Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
3 2 1 whiskey
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
We need to get me chipped asap
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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