I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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