I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Randomize
