no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
So much rum. So many feels.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
