i can't believe i had my finger in that
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
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