He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
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