We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
