Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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