life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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