Swine flu is the new snow day.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
