i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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