She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
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