All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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