Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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