yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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