Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
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