Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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