After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I would ride that face into the sunset
Randomize
