Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Randomize
