i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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