My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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