Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Randomize
