I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I forgot how hot balto sounded
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
