Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Randomize
