I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
