If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Randomize
