I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
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