We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I'm getting married
To pizza
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Randomize
