She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
