I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Holy sore nipples Batman
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
