people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I want her autograph on my taint
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
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