i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
