just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Randomize
