I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
