My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
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