matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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