Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
