mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
3pm strippers are depressing
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
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