fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
