You surviving the open bar?
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Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
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