i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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