i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
I just gift wrapped bread.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
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