I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Did you just see the Batmobile???
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
