I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
i already hear my dad disowning me
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
