Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
We have so much sex to catch up on
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
