By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Randomize
