cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Randomize
