From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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