It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Randomize
