the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
