I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
