Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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