i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Randomize
