Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
